May 16th, 2012

A Room of Her Own


by Mary Nelligan from A Teachable Mom

Like many parents I want my children to grow up feeling empowered in the world, trusting their value and celebrating the gifts they offer as their own unique selves. And I want to feel close to my kids, to be connected to them, to shower them with the incredible amount of love I have for them in my heart.

Yet, I often find myself parenting my daughters in ways that don’t lead to connection and relationship; interacting in ways that aren’t consistent with my desire for them to feel empowered and respected. I’m starting to see that I may have misinterpreted my role as a mother. I’ve chosen to be more director, teacher or task-master than facilitator, guide or collaborator. I’m coming to believe there’s a time in parenting to teach, a time to let go and a time to collaborate.

Teaching
Teaching is my go-to parenting tool. And by teach I often mean control; I’m in charge. For example, I’ve taught my daughters, Ava (age 8) and Rhys (age 3) how to clean up their toys. I’ve explained how much better they’ll feel (read I’ll feel) when everything is in its place. I’ve shown them how to put things away as they’re finished using them to avoid a snowballed mess. I’ve watched them clean up their stuff, all the while offering “helpful” suggestions on the best ways to do it quickly and efficiently (who wouldn’t want that kind of individual, personalized coaching?!). I’ve cleaned up their toys for them (to avoid conflict) and with them:  “Let’s see who can put the Barbie clothes away the fastest!” or “You pick up all the green blocks and I’ll pick up all the red ones!” Fun!?

Yes, the toys get cleaned up, usually amidst much whining and complaining (mine and theirs). My kids may be missing the “obeying” gene, but my teaching methods often create distance in our relationship and foster the dynamic that I’m all-knowing of what is best for them. And of course, on many things, I do know what is best for them:  I know, for example, that it is best for them to stay out of my way when I’m on a tear about the house being a mess. Or that it is best for them to floss their teeth for the first time in months moments before we leave for the dentist (so I don’t get yelled at by their crabby, confrontational dentist). But I digress …

Letting Go
I’ve tried letting go around the clean-up issue. I’ve closed my daughters’ bedroom doors, stayed out of the playroom, labeled the mess a blessing of “life with kids” and relaxed my admittedly anal standards. Truly letting go is magical and elusive – I have had the experience of letting go on many parenting issues from what they eat to what they wear. But on the topic of cleaning up, usually I can only let go for so long before my primal need to ease my anxiety wins out, damn the consequences (I’ll focus on my daughters’ empowerment once the f***ing Polly Pockets are put away!). I can understand why some might label my attempts at letting go half-assed. Until authentic letting go kicks in, I’m focusing on my third option …

Collaboration
While I have a lot of practice cajoling, nagging, cheering and encouraging my daughters to clean up, until last weekend, I did not have much experience collaborating with them on this issue. Ava and I decided to try an experiment:  we would collaborate to organize and clean-up her bedroom.

Was I willing to be with Ava and learn with her through a process of co-creating a bedroom we could both feel good about? Was I willing to feel my feelings (mostly anxiety) as we negotiated new ideas and worked through conflicts? Was I willing to put the care and feeding of my relationship with my daughter before my need for a specific outcome (order and thus, control)? Honestly, not really. I just wanted her to clean up her room and be done with it. Because that strategy hadn’t worked out for us thus far, I was willing to try collaboration as an experiment. Miraculously, Ava was too.

We both had input on when we started our clean-up project and for how long we worked. Rather than my usual role as director or task-master, I asked her how she wanted her room to look. Her reply:  pretty, sunshiny, like it’s mine. She actually said messy, but I still had veto power in this exercise (come on, I didn’t say this was a fairy tale!).

Once we’d discussed how she wanted to feel in her room (comfortable, relaxed and happy), I told her I wanted it to be pristine and picture-perfect to relieve my anxiety. Oh, wait. No, that’s what I wanted to tell her. Instead, I just listened. And breathed. She told me she loves beautiful things around her, wanted to feel comfortable and did not want her room “all neat and perfect.” Whose kid is this anyway?

I made sure I was breathing as we discussed the toys she wanted to keep out and those she was willing to put away in coordinated bins and drawers (a few even made their way to Rhys’ open arms – a miracle). Ava took great pride in cleaning up her room and asking for my help in getting her belongings organized. Her smile was wide and real. She beamed; I enjoyed her. I felt proud of both of us.

Ava’s bedroom is not the way I want it. She still has too many dolls, outfits, craft supplies and books strewn around her room for my taste. But somehow I can live with our new creation because in this interaction I know my relationship with my daughter was my first priority. I don’t know how long the grace I feel will last, but I plan to enjoy it for now. At least until it’s time for another experiment. Perhaps my husband’s closet will be next?


Thanks to Mary for this lovely post! Such inspiration! You can read more about Mary and follow her amazingly loving and witty blog at www.ateachablemom.com. Her posts make me laugh and cry all at the same time. A must read!!

 

 

 


May 5th, 2012

Letter to My Babies – 5 Steps To Generating Joy


My children,

For you I wish a life filled with JOY. So many people you will meet in your life will struggle with finding real lasting joy in their lives and yet joy, I believe, is always with us. Tucked away in the background just waiting to come out and play.

So my grander wish for you, even more than my wish for a joy filled life, is that you know your own ROAD to JOY. That you know how to generate your own joy. Because when you understand this you are free. You will never feel like a victim in life, you will never feel hopeless or lost, you will never wonder who you are, you will never care about other people’s opinion over your own, you will never feel disconnect from yourself or the people you love and you will never feel that life is dull.

So here are 5 sign posts on the ROAD to JOY that I will teach you through your life. These are doorways where true and lasting joy can be cultivated. But be easy on yourself through life. Sometimes you won’t feel that joyful sizzle and that is ok. Learn from these moments, breathe and then focus on one of these –>

1. Novelty –> Be proud of your uniqueness! There is nothing beneficial in being the same as everyone else. That is playing life safe and there is no lasting joy in that. Dare to speak your voice, dare to express yourself. Being different was the thing in my life that gave me so much confidence. Standing out of the crowd is a lot less scary than people think. Stand tall and proud and know that you are always loved.

2. Challenge –> Always reach for more of life. Expand, learn, step out of your comfort zone. The Universe is constantly expanding and we are part of the Universe. If you are not expanding you are not able to feel true, lasting joy. Trust your inner voice, be courageous and dare to grow.

3. Connection –> Choose real connection. Choose your relationships based on how they make you feel. Never maintain a relationship with someone without your inner voice applauding your choice. You are never alone, there is no reason to settle.

4. Creativity –> Notice your creativity, use it, grow it. Creativity isn’t just about drawing a beautiful picture, it is about expressing yourself in a way that impacts yourself and others. Creativity is about letting your inner voice inspire your hands! Each day when you go to sleep make sure you have created at least one thing…a good meal, wellness in your body, a happy home, a new idea, joy in your heart, joy in another’s heart.

5. Energy –> See energy, sense it, understand that it is energy that creates your world. Become the master of your mind. If you cannot manage your mind, you cannot truly mange anything else in your life to its fullest potential. Never forget your own power, your ability to shape and craft your life exactly the way you want it to feel.

And REMEMBER….you are responsible for generating JOY in your life. It isn’t something you have or don’t have, it is something you generate. And your joy it is not the world’s job, your spouses job, your children’s job, our job as your parents, your friends job. Take joy seriously, make it fun, make it real and tangible. You have everything inside of yourself right now to live joyfully. I believe in you and I love you. Watching your life unfold gives me so much joy…

I love you so…

Your Mama

 


April 30th, 2012

Let No Tank Go Unfilled!


A guest post by Jay Morgan from Conscious Parenting

Positive comments generate positive feelings in our children while negative comments generate negative feelings. It’s just about that simple. And one of the most positive feelings we can generate in our children is the feeling of love.

When my daughter Hannah was born, someone gave my wife and I the book, How to Really Love Your Child  by Ross Campbell. At first, I was mildly put off by the title, so I didn’t read it right away. My egoistic thinking was, “I don’t need anybody to tell me how to love my child!” In fact, I couldn’t imagine loving my child more. Hannah was our firstborn: a beautiful baby girl. I was filled to overflowing with love for her.

But when I started reading the book, I discovered Dr. Campbell was writing about how parents can show their children love— specifically, how they can show their children the love they feel for them. I was particularly intrigued with his premise for the book. He noticed in his work with families most all parents felt love for their children. But many of them seemed to make a dangerous presumption. They presumed somehow their children knew how they felt, that somehow their children picked up on and received all the love their parents had for them. Unfortunately, Dr. Campbell writes, this is not the case.

Dr. Campbell describes three ways parents relate their felt love to their children: eye contact, age-appropriate touching, and focused attention. In the book, he introduces a word picture of a young child who has inside her an empty tank. Each time her parents interact with her, they have an opportunity to put some of their felt love into the tank. They might accomplish this through sustained eye contact, through physical touch, or through focused attention. Dr. Campbell surmises if the child’s “tank” is full by early adolescence, she won’t be so inclined to “look for love in all the wrong places” by veering off into destructive activities involving drugs, alcohol, delinquent activities, gangs, and/or sexual escapades.

Dr. Campbell’s book is not just a friendly reminder to parents; it is a blueprint and an insurance policy to help make sure children grow up with an ample supply of parental love which, over time, helps translate into an ample supply of self-love. Heading into adulthood with a “full tank” and being raised by parents who have “loved by example” makes it easier for these teens to develop healthy doses of self-love while having an abundance of love to share with others.

I enthusiastically read Dr. Campbell’s book, took the information, and ran with it. Along with recommending it to parents, I did my best to consciously “fill some tanks” at home and at the office. Over time, a little comedic routine developed between my daughters and me. Emily or Hannah would catch my attention and ask, “Hey Dad how much do you love me?” I would stop what I was doing and say, “Well, I love you this much,” and I would hold my arms and hands out as far apart as I could trying to show them exactly how much I loved them. But my arms could never reach out far enough, so after a moment of teetering back and forth in a desperate attempt to show them just how much love I had for them, I would lose my balance and fall down, usually on top of one of them. We would roll around and have a good laugh as I—you guessed it—made eye contact, engaged in age-appropriate touching, and made them the focus of my attention.

Let no tank go unfilled!


Thanks to Jay for this inspiring post!! Find out more about Jay’s work and his book, Finger Painting in Psyche Class by visiting his Facebook pages:

Finger Painting in Psych Class
Conscious Parenting

 

 


April 10th, 2012

Are You A Self-Absorbed Mom? 3 Steps Out…


We have all been around friends or family that seem to be pristinely preoccupied by theirown life experience. To the point that they often seem to be almost absent when we are together with them. They can talk all day about themselves and they never ask you a single question about how you are doing?

Those people stand out to us as rude, immature, selfish and leave us feeling unfulfilled in the relationship.

But, have you ever stopped to ask yourself how self-absorbed you are? I know that is a very probing question, but what I see as a major tendencies in parents today is just this….parenting from a place of self-absorption.

What do I exactly mean by this?

Well, our minds are “on” pretty much the moment we open our sleepy eyes in the morning to the moment sleep finally takes us over at night. The monkey mind rarely gives us a break. Most of us don’t even believe it can. We are so transfixed on, so engaged with our own mental mind chatter, that we disconnect from the present moment.

Did you know that we can only think about or focus on one thing at a time? It’s true. Our brains are funny like that. So if we are focused on the drama in our head, we are NOT focused on life unfolding before us.

And this has dramatic consequences for our families. Because when we are more interested in what is going on in our heads, what are we missing out on?

  • Noticing beauty
  • Noticing humor
  • Noticing the grace and magic of our children
  • Feeling love
  • Listening to our intuition and acting on it
  • Synchronistic events
  • Disrupts relationships as you are not showing up fully in them
When we are parenting from this busy head, thinking of the past or thinking of the future,  we are not prepared for the moments but react to what shows up from a stressful place, irritated that you have been irrupted, that something has taken you away from engaging with your mind. We get irritable and angry for no reason and take it out on those close to us.

Of course we all do this from time to time. I did this for a few minutes myself today!! But the question I propose to you today is-
How much of your time is spent in your mind rather than in your moments?

So how do we snap out of it you may be wondering? Well I am not going to give you a long draw-out process here, because it really is quite simple.

First, you recognize your self-absorption. This is key as you cannot shift or change anything you don’t recognize.

Second, you shift your focus. Shifting your area of focus from you to what or who is around you.
Third, you get curious. Instead of your own problems, fill your mind with the wonder and amazement of what is right in front of you.

I am not sure there is any bigger gift a parent can give a child than a present, mindful, tapped in parent. Because not only is this a formula for monkey-mind-relief but it connects you to the rest of the world…your world and taps you back in to what is important.

Would love to hear your comments and thoughts about this topic in the comment space below!

 

 

 

 

 

 


March 29th, 2012

Do You Love YOU? 5 Step To Help You Focus on Love


For women, the idea of not loving ourselves or not feeling worthy is strikingly epidemic in our society. Low self esteem, feelings of not being worthy of love, difficulty in receiving and giving love is sadly almost the norm. As a coach I see this tendency clearly. I am going to guess that 98% of all the moms that have come to me for support have ultimately been searching for permission to love themselves. So, I really wanted to write a post to explore my thoughts on why….why do we think so little of ourselves as women?

I am going to venture out and make a bold statement. I think how we feel love towards ourselves comes mainly from how we have been mothered by our own mothers, how we are taught the art of emotional health and wellness. Now, I don’t know your mother, but if you are struggling with feelings of love and worthiness for yourself I am going to bet you are able to recognize your mother’s part in all this. Sorry mother’s of the world, but this is a wake up call for all of us!

It is so easy to love a baby. Maybe it is because they are so helpless and so in need of us when they are so small. From a biological standpoint, a mother’s love is vital particularly at this stage for healthy brain development in the child. So it is easy for most of us to feel love for our young babies and give this baby buckets of love. Not just with hugs, kisses and lots of TLC, but with our thoughts, our energy. We typically send out heaps of loving energy towards our children when they are new to us – we can’t believe we got so lucky!

But then they grow up, they need us less and things become more familiar. What does that do? Well, firstly, with time, we separate from the grand love – the miraculousness of creating life. It’s like getting a new car – you can’t believe how beautiful this new car is, the new car smell, how it feels to drive, you can’t wait to get into every morning. And then that new enthusiasm dies and you notice yourself getting into the car without a thought of gratitude or love. Now, comparing children to cars may be a stretch, but it is the much of the same emotional process. We get used to our kids, so much so that we often stop seeing them. Secondly, as our children grow and need us less, it gives us time to think, worry, stress about our own lives – our roles and responsibilities, the meaning of life. So we go from being absorbed in this baby to being absorbed in ourselves. We make the switch early on from parenting from the heart to parenting from the head.

Our mother’s were no different. Maybe even worse….

The problem with not being conscious to love throughout life this that we fail to see that children need awake, conscious, focused love throughout their lives! Even as adults, we need a healthy loving relationship to our parents. If we don’t get it, we suffer on some level. I have coached 50 year old women and men about their stagnant relationship with their parents…our need for heartfelt parenting never ends.

Because what happens when we don’t get that? We don’t feel seen.

What does that mean? Being seen?

Think of it this way. Did your mother look at you, interact with you from judgement, through mommy-tainted glasses or did she truly SEE you and interact with the real you? You know that feeling of being truly seen? It makes you feel like you really exist, that you are worthy, that you are loved, that you are special and uniquely YOU. A mother’s unique ability to SEE her child gives that child wings to fly…confidence to soar, and the understanding that failure only makes us stronger.

If your mother had on her mommy-tainted glasses you were probably left wanting emotionally. Many people in this situation end up searching for that love, that recognition in others – bosses and jobs, partners and even our children.

If we are not AWAKE and fall into unconsciously stepping away from love, we will repeat this same tendency. We will see and interact with our children through our own personalized pair of mommy-tainted glasses and fail to give them the gift of seeing them for who they are. You may have your moments when loving your children is easier, but I would like to challenge you to NEVER stray to far away from love, even when parenting gets hard, stressful, chaotic and unnerving.

I think it is important to get to the root of what is fueling our thoughts and feelings of feeling unloved – where these thoughts originated. Contemplate it, but don’t dwell on it. See it, accept it and move on the joys of filling yourself up with love consciousness. It is surprisingly simple! Here are my tips:

  1. In every moment love is right there. Open up to seeing it and feeling it. Say to yourself “I see love easily“.
  2. Look in the mirror every morning and every night and say to your reflection: “I LOVE YOU!” You may not believe it, but keep saying it until you do!!
  3. Celebrate yourself! We so often focus on what we do wrong or the mistakes we have made. At the end of every day, write in your journal 5 successes you had that day. 5 ways that you succeeded to improve a situation or contribute to a relationship or some way that you showed up that left you feeling PROUD. (Pride is deeply linked with cultivating feelings of self-love.)
  4. Forgive yourself. Let it go. Whatever it is that you are hanging onto that makes you feel bad about yourself. L E T  I T  G O….by saying: “I forgive myself for past mistakes, I release them and instead focus right now on loving me.“
  5. When you are stressed, annoyed, irritated and your children are driving you nuts, shift to LOVE. So often when we feel negativity, we react to our children in ways we regret soon after. Make a commitment to yourself that your words and actions always reflect the love you have in your heart. 
This is the thing! By giving love, seeing love you will begin to FEEL love about yourself, even if you didn’t to before. Love is funny like that. One shift is all you need. Start small but start today.

 


February 13th, 2012

50 Ways to Get to Your Joy Default!


I talk a lot with my clients about their Joy Default. What is that you ask?

Your Joy Default is your life underneath your life situation. It is the natural positive energy that is underneath every negative thought, belief or problem. It is my belief that we are meant to feel good. Humans are supremely good at making life complicated. We over-think our challenges until we have made them official problems and have so far removed ourselves from a natural state of JOY that is our birth right, that feeling good is almost indiscernible.

But life is hard, life is a struggle!

Sure, in life we are met with all kinds of situations to handle and cope with. But the thing that people don’t generally understand is that challenging situations are meant to expand our life experience, not destroy us. Eckhart Tolle said something along the lines of…when you are faced with a challenging situation, you have two choices. You can either allow it to pull you deeper into the spiraling abyss of fear or you can see it as an opportunity to grow, become more of who you are – stepping more fully into your Joy Default.

In addition to seeing life as a way to expand as YOU, I wanted you to start getting to know your Joy Default…to consciously go there, to CHOOSE it throughout the day! I promise you that if you do, JOY will grow in your life.

Below, I have listed 50 doorways that you can open and let JOY in:

  1. Read inspirational books (see the Amazon widget to the right of this post for my suggestions!)
  2. Get past a funk by writing in your journal
  3. Turn on your favorite music and dance
  4. Play with your child (a game that he/she chooses!)
  5. Pamper yourself somehow
  6. Do something you have been putting off
  7. Organize your junk drawer
  8. Clean the house
  9. Get some fresh air
  10. Move your body
  11. Watch a funny movie
  12. Start a fun tradition with your family…movie night, pizza night?
  13. Each night write down 5 things you are grateful for
  14. Commit to meditating 10 minutes a day
  15. Cook a wonderful meal for your family
  16. Create something
  17. Get friends together and LAUGH
  18. Sing karaoke
  19. Splurge on a good bottle of wine and share it with someone special
  20. Be around animals
  21. Try something new…a new food, a new sport, a new road to work!
  22. Look for beauty each day
  23. Paint a wall your favorite color
  24. Put on your favorite outfit and wear it all day, even if it’s only to vacume!
  25. Celebrate one mistake today – look for the lesson in it!
  26. Commit to one positive affirmation to repeat for 2 weeks
  27. Notice and celebrate one thing you did really WELL today
  28. Tell someone that you love them today and mean it
  29. If you cannot change a thought, a situation in your life, accept it, allow it to be with you today
  30. Question your thoughts today. Ask “Is that really true?”
  31. Smile for no reason
  32. Wake up and expect that today is going to be a GOOD day!
  33. Resist the urge to fix anything or anyone today…just let everything BE just as it is.
  34. Find a way to make yourself PROUD today
  35. Look in the mirror today and say to yourself, from your heart..”You are beautiful and I love you.”
  36. Find 10 ways to be silly today
  37. Let go on one belief today that holds you back. Just drop it like a hot coal and choose to think a thought that feels better
  38. Sit in silence for 10 minutes today
  39. Spend time in nature
  40. Do not judge or complain today
  41. Notice the world around you all day today
  42. Create a sacred space somewhere in your home
  43. Do something kind for someone else without expecting anything in return
  44. Swim or bathe in salt water (really! it has a cleansing effect)
  45. Go to be early
  46. Do a cleansing ritual in your living space (a little different, but I have done this with much success!)
  47. Remove yourself from an unpleasant situation or relationship
  48. Expect positive outcomes
  49. Find a hobby
  50. Remember to BREATHE

Use the comment space below to tell us which ones resonate with you and what happened when you tried some of these on!! Good luck! Read this past blog post for more on our Joy Default.

 

 

 


February 8th, 2012

Mommy Mind Gym 30 Day Challenge


One of the things that is so central in my work with moms is helping women realize how powerful their thoughts and emotions really are. That it is our thoughts that create and mould our realties. This can kind of freak people out. People that are new to this concept often begin becoming overly sensitive to every thought they thing, assuming that each thought will have this immediate negative outcome in their lives (the thoughts you should be concerned about are the ones you think over and over again) and/or they get frustrated because they don’t know HOW to guide, shape and choose thoughts that feel good.

I get that! I thought it was hard at first too. Until I just got really focused and good at practicing the thoughts I would rather think. Our brain is a muscle right, and with any muscle for it to grow in strength and really serve us it needs exercise. So exercising your brain with these new and empowered thoughts that you want to think more often will take practice – let’s call it our Mommy Mind Gym!

In this challenge and for the next 30 days, I am going to be picking out one negative thought a day that we tend to think and that holds us back.

Each day I will then present “one version” of an alternative, positive affirmation. If this resolution resonates with you, then I challenge you to take on this new positive affirmation for the day. If you would like to alter the wording of the affirmation to suit you, then do that and post it on the Facebook page for all to read, but remember, use only positive language (no won’ts, can’ts, shouldn’ts).

Your job in committing to this is to write down this new affirmation and hang it in numerous places in your home or office. You are to say this affirmation and mean it (feel it as if it were true) 3 times a day. Do this for at least a week and notice the difference in your life.  

Read the following articles for more information about affirmations

Send me your negative thoughts if you would like me to include them in the challenge. Send to sigrid@thejoyfulmother.com or post it in the comment box below!

 


February 6th, 2012

Connecting To The Magic of Motherhood


Do you remember how you felt the moment your babies were born? The pain was gone (or almost) and you saw that face, that body for the very first time? Pretty miraculous wasn’t it?

For many women, that feeling of the miraculousness of giving life, that oneness with our child fades into a lovely memory as our children grow up and we get taken with the “doing” of motherhood.

In this post, I want to look at why it is that the awareness of our role as mother being a sacred one fades soon after our babies are born.

I believe that we, as women, in our modern societies have not even come close to grasping or embracing the importance and sacredness of our role as mothers. In addition, most women I speak to or listen too seem to feel a fundamental imbalance in their roles – an indefinable, ungraspable struggle, dissatisfaction, disappointment in the dynamics of their lives.

I believe this discontent has its roots in Western society’s inherent exclusionary belief system towards feminine values in preference for more masculine or patriarchal values. I am not speaking here about men vs. women, I am speaking about our cultural values and how we are essentially unconsciously influenced by them.   The dominant values in any patriarchal society center around advancement and success and the importance of the rational and the intellectual.

How do these values overlook the significance of motherhood you may ask? For women, we have come to see being a mother as a job or role that must be filled or just like any other accomplishment to pursue, we intellectualize it, we want to get it right, we want to appear successful and we want to be able to do it all. And for the record, it isn’t just mothering that is influenced by these values, it effects our attitudes towards all of our relationships with others and even how we see ourselves (this is where perfectionism has its roots).

And then there is society’s attitudes towards mothers… Society sees being a mother as an intellectually “less than” role. It doesn’t fit in with the advancement and success primary value focus. If you choose stay home with your children, you are looked down upon, in many instances, you are seen as stupid, a non-contributor, un-ambitious, lazy because you are going against the dominant value base of modern society.

I believe we, as women, need to begin shifting how we think of our role as mothers – literally get conscious and choose new thoughts that support a joyful existence as a mother! Today, we group our role as mother in with all the other roles we have, wife, boss, colleague, sister, daughter, friend….mother. I believe it is time to elevate this role – taking it more seriously.  

It blows my mind to think that we are part of this miracle of life giving and we have sort of seperated from it. It is like, when we deliver our children, we keenly experience the sacred nature of this experience – we get it, we feel it and we share it with our loved ones. But this sacredness fades sadly enough…we get busy with the stuff we have to do, the diapers, and the sleeping though the nights, the feedings, then the friends, and the school….the list of activities we then throw ourselves into is endless. I believe we loose the essence, the spirit, the divine nature of what being a mother is early on in this experience. It is my purpose to bring you back, to claim the true, joyful nature of motherhood both for the health of your children and for your wholeness as a woman and begin changing how motherhood feels and how it is view in society. Only we can make this change – it starts with YOU.

Begin today changing how you show up as a mother, so that it starts feeling good. Step past your struggles of being perfect, of doubt in your ablity as a mother, your feelings that parenting is hard and claim the true, joyful nature of motherhood both for the health of your children and for your wholeness as a woman. Only 2 days left of the Early Bird discount! www.mommymeltdowncure.com

 


February 3rd, 2012

Problems and Our Truth Telling Filter!


Where in your life do you make problems where they’re really aren’t any?

I am going to venture a guess here and say that all of us wish we could just turn off our brains sometimes, am I right? Let me here an “Amen to that!” Our minds habit of engaging with what at the onset is just a passing thought, but when the mind has its way with it, becomes a full fledged PROBLEM in no time.

We can live for years, often lifetimes, reeling from the lies, the made up stories that our minds whisper to us.

But what if we got wise to the game? What if we started to understand the fact that the brain is only the processor of sensory information from our environment and NOT the teller of truths…The brain has no truth telling filter! Our truth telling filter comes from a deeper place – this place where our inner knowing or truth resides. The voice of our instinct or what a friend of mine calls it our “quiet knowing“.

When you understand this, you are liberated from being “tricked” by your brain into believing every single thought you think as THE TRUTH. You begin to understand that you have the power to choose what you focus on and ultimately what your life feels like.

The brain loves to make problems where there really are none. The “ego”, in Eckhart Tolle’s definition of the word derives its very identity from these “problems”. Tolle describes the ego as “an “illusory sense of self’ based on unconscious identification with one’s memories and thoughts.”

So let’s illustrate this by looking at my brain for a second…

My brain has pumped “YOU ARE FAT” into my consciousness ever since my last pregnancy. Every time I would look into the mirror, I would see fat. And my brain found more and more ways to confirm this “reality”. Almost everywhere I looked, I would be reminded about feeling fat. It was like a feeding frenzy for my brain and I didn’t even realize it. I thought that fat was just part of me….I believed every thought my brain told me and I ultimatly felt like crap about my body, about myself.

Until the process began of slowing waking up, out of the insantiy of my brain. I started challenging my thoughts each day. I began looking in the mirror and when thoughts of disgust would pop in my mind, I would ask myself “is that really true?” I mean, was I really justified in feeling like crap about my body? I mean, yes, I have like 20lbs to “release” before the picture of the “ideal” me and the actual me match, but I ALSO started to see something else. Underneath the negative thoughts and emotions was this TRUTH emerging, smiling and shining behind the cloud, just waiting to be seen.

I was beautiful.

“Look at those legs girlfriend! And those toes…adorable! And those arms…divine. How about that décolletage…damn girl! What a rack!!” My curves, my youth, the shine of my skin, my hair…my face was GLOWING!

Now, this new found JOY (because that is what it so felt like) didn’t suddenly take away the extra 20lbs residing in my ass, but it did something maybe even better…it no longer made it a problem. Now I am in a place where I am excited and motivated from the inside to get to that “ideal” image of me in my head. The actions towards a leaner me have become effortless.

So, what are you believing are problems in your life but upon a bit closer examination are actually not such big deals? I know this may be a stretch for some of you because we are often very attached to our “problems”, they define us often times. but think about a “problem” you are facing right now and ask yourself this…is there really a problem here or is this my monkey mind wanting to engage?

Observe your mind, question the aparent “truths” your mind is trying to tell you, then listen to YOUR TRUTH underneath the mental noise. Then our mind quiets and we can look at our current challenges and DO something to fix them from that place of “quiet knowing”…

P.S. Learn how you can take the “problems” out of parenting and begin to parent from a place of JOY. Find out more at www.mommymeltdowncure.com

 


January 17th, 2012

My Letter To Fear…


Dear Fear, Oh Great One That Holds Me Back,

I understand. I really do. I am over you and it hurts. Break-ups are always hard. But we have gone as far as we can go together. You linger in my mind, there is no doubt. Flashes of agitation, anxiety, worry, doubt, concern, cold feet, misgivings and uneasiness are still with me sometimes. But today I choose to pull you close and wrap you in my essence, my love. You are only small and weak and scared, like a child in many ways. I wrap my arms around you and send you all the love I can muster. And you may pop up again in my mind, understandable since we have been together for so long, but then I send you more love and hold you even closer….

And you fade….your power over me dissolves and disappears like mist. And I feel free….

Because you are not really a part of me, nor were you really ever – not the real me. Now is the time, right now is the moment where I choose to OWN myself, my joy, my potential, my WHOLE self and there is no space for you in this new reality. I refuse to be held back by you, to be limited, to be cut off at the knees. Not now…not anymore.

My spirit now fills the space where you had once filled. A delicious, joyful, tingling feeling! Full of hope, freedom and the potential for ANYTHING I can conjure!

Thank you fear for trying to keep me safe, for having my back. But I got it from here….WATCH out world!!

Love,

 

 

 

 

Taste that freedom? Liberate yourself from FEAR and get yourself on the list for the upcoming 8 week online program, the Mommy Meltdown Cure. You will be glad you did!


Welcome,  





TJM on Facebook


Books I love

@TheJoyfulMother