3 Steps Out of Self-Absorption

April 10, 2012

We have all been around friends or family that seem to be pristinely preoccupied by their own life experience. To the point that they often seem to be almost absent when we are together with them. They can talk all day about themselves and they never ask you a single question about how you are doing?

Those people stand out to us as rude, immature, selfish and leave us feeling unfulfilled in the relationship.

But, have you ever stopped to ask yourself how self-absorbed you are? I know that is a very probing question, but what I see as a major tendencies in parents today is just this….parenting from a place of self-absorption.

What do I exactly mean by this?

Well, our minds are “on” pretty much the moment we open our sleepy eyes in the morning to the moment sleep finally takes us over at night. The monkey mind rarely gives us a break. Most of us don’t even believe it can. We are so transfixed on, so engaged with our own mental mind chatter, that we disconnect from the present moment.

Did you know that we can only think about or focus on one thing at a time? It’s true. Our brains are funny like that. So if we are focused on the drama in our head, we are NOT focused on life unfolding before us.

And this has dramatic consequences for our families. Because when we are more interested in what is going on in our heads, what are we missing out on?

  • Noticing beauty
  • Noticing humor
  • Noticing the grace and magic of our children
  • Feeling love
  • Listening to our intuition and acting on it
  • Synchronistic events
  • Disrupts relationships as you are not showing up fully in them
When we are parenting from this busy head, thinking of the past or thinking of the future,  we are not prepared for the moments but react to what shows up from a stressful place, irritated that you have been irrupted, that something has taken you away from engaging with your mind. We get irritable and angry for no reason and take it out on those close to us.

Of course we all do this from time to time. I did this for a few minutes myself today!! But the question I propose to you today is-
How much of your time is spent in your mind rather than in your moments?

So how do we snap out of it you may be wondering? Well I am not going to give you a long draw-out process here, because it really is quite simple.

First, you recognize your self-absorption. This is key as you cannot shift or change anything you don’t recognize.

Second, you shift your focus. Shifting your area of focus from you to what or who is around you.
Third, you get curious. Instead of your own problems, fill your mind with the wonder and amazement of what is right in front of you.

I am not sure there is any bigger gift a parent can give a child than a present, mindful, tapped in parent. Because not only is this a formula for monkey-mind-relief but it connects you to the rest of the world…your world and taps you back in to what is important.

Would love to hear your comments and thoughts about this topic in the comment space below!







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