We often wonder why people don’t respect us, treat us well or see us in a way we would like to be recognized. In way that feels kind, loving and compassionate, in a way that fills us up. We struggle with self doubt and try to push and pull at the outside world, our environment to make ourselves feel better, to find what we are looking for. We want to find the secret formula to solving our problems, for figuring it all out.
But the solution to any problem must be found on the INSIDE first. We must locate the perspective that got us here in the first place – the line of perpetual thinking that holds us in this place that feels bad or hard. And so one of the biggest things I see my clients do that holds them literally stuck – is to continuously NOT believe in themselves.
And people don’t even know that they are doing it. For many, not believing in yourself is a hard-wired habit! But I am going to tell you a fundamental truth here – your results will not change until your habits change. And how we believe in ourselves, comes down to the habitual thoughts that we think.
Here are some real life issues from The Joyful Mother Facebook community:
- “I sometimes believe that all I do for my children will, in the end, not be remembered or appreciated….and that when our kids are older, they will look back at my husband as the fun parent and me as the parent who always told them to clean their room.” – from Karen
Karen, one thing you can do is spend some time feeling what it would feel like to appreciate yourself, to be proud of how you are showing up as a mother and if you have challenges, look honestly at how you can solve them so you can be proud. People treat us exactly how we train them to treat us. If we don’t respect and appreciate ourselves, the people around us will not either. Also, think about if you could be remembered by your children anyway you wish, what would that be, what would that look like?
- “My kids are older now, I do so much for them and yet them make me feel so disrespected, used and abused. Epecially my daughter, she is very verbally abusive, rude and so mean with her words! I want them and my grandchildren in my life but I want the respect that I feel all parents deserve too! – from Marlene
Again, I want to take your focus inside you Marlene. How are you respecting yourself? How do you treat yourself? What kind of self talk or inner dialogue is habitual for you? When you begin to entertain thoughts of self respect, appreciation, self love then your actions will begin to refect this and people will begin to respond to you differently. It starts from within you and it starts by telling yourself a different story. Just ONE thought that feels better…it doesn’t have to be the worlds best feeling thought, just a little better. Then choose a thought that feels better than that, and again and again.
- “My unhappy place comes when my husband has to go away and I end up solo parenting. I am very happy when we co-parent together” – from Lisa
There is no doubt that solo parenting whether it be full time or part time or just when your husband travels…can make you want to pull your hair out. I know from experience! But, if you believe it is going to suck and be hard and horrible, it will be. Simple as that. Instead, if you believe that you can do this, that you are enough for this short time Lisa and that you can find flow in your family dynamics, you can lead and manage the household in a way that feels good to you and your children, then you know what? All THAT stuff will happen too. It is about getting clear and tapping into your inner SuperMom sometimes…or that part of you that makes stuff work, that belief in YOU and what you are capable of.
No matter what you are going through today, take a minute and look inside and find the belief, the thought, the feeling behind your actions. Every action is influence by a thought and a feeling. If you don’t like how you are being treated or the circumstances you are finding yourself in or even how you feel right now, dare to change your inner landscape. And instead of sitting there and telling yourself, “Yeah, easier said than done, changing my thoughts is hard!” – tell yourself that “choosing more empowering thoughts is EASY“…and then (lets say it all together now!) IT WILL BE!!