Body Image, Our Daughters and Our Message!

December 21, 2011

I was helping my daughter get ready for bed tonight. She was tired and when we tired, we are sometimes emotional. My daughter is a strong girl. She has a deep connection to herself, her strength and her identity – it is a joy to watch. But sometimes she doesn’t. And this was one of those moments.

She said to me “Mamma, I hate it, but I feel fat…”

Ok! Crap, the conversation no mother wants to have. Cause how do you deal with this? What can I say that isn’t going to blow her off (undervalue her emotions) or create an over emphasis – an over focus on self! “Think of something smart to say, Sigrid, to snap her into self love…NOW!”

I don’t know that what I said really cured my daughter of future self loathing moments, but what followed was important. So important, I wanted to share it with you.

So I said to her….

“You know you can look around at probably the majority of women you come across each day and you know what is going on in their minds over and over throughout the day?

“What?” said my daughter curiously.

“You are so stupid! What a moron you are! How could you have said that/done that?  You can’t do anything right! You are a failure…Look at you, you are so ugly! How could you be so stupid? You don’t deserve a good life….and it goes on and on.”

“What!! Really? Why?” she said

“Well, let’s say that a woman, a long time ago, maybe when she was 8 like you, she had a yucky thought about herself. Instead of knowing that her brain is not the teller of truths, it is just processing information, she BELIEVED that thought and every other thought that passed through her mind. She believed this negative thought the moment it popped into her head. She didn’t question it. And it grew. And it grew and it grew and it grew. And she found more reasons (thoughts) to support this first negative thought and after years and years of telling herself how ugly she was, that ONE THOUGHT, that LIE, became her very identity. Baby, so many people don’t understand that they don’t have to believe every thought that they think. That they have the power to question their thoughts and choose ones that feel good!”

My baby is almost falling asleep as I talk, but I know she understands. But as she slows her breath and cuddles real close I ask her this…

“So, you say you feel fat and ugly, what is REALLY TRUE for you sweet Sophie?”

“That I am beautiful just like you mamma….!”

I almost died…..

Your challenge! Notice the thoughts you tell yourself about YOU. Are they positive, supportive, forgiving, loving? If not, challenge these thoughts you have about yourself and choose to celebrate you. And don’t tell me there is nothing there to love, you ARE love. And remember, how you feel about yourself is how she is going to feel about herself….





P.S. I’d like to show you how to create a life where you are in charge of your own joy. I am looking for 100 moms to turn into truly Joyful Mothers. I am on a mission! To start a Happiness Revolution for mothers – to give moms the practical and intuitive tools they need to parent from a more calm and joyful place. We know it matters to our children, lets make it REALLY matter to us. Are you up for it? Sign up below and be among the first to receive information regarding the release of the Mommy Meltdown Cure in early 2012 and get your hands on the early bird discount!!

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  • Anne Helene Grøntoft December 23, 2011 at 11:23 am

    Strålende, Sigrid! God jul til deg og dine. Og lykke til med kurset, jeg har klokketro på at det blir en super suksess!

    • Sigrid December 23, 2011 at 3:57 pm

      Thank you love!!!!

  • Anne Helene Grøntoft December 23, 2011 at 11:23 am

    Strålende, Sigrid! God jul til deg og dine. Og lykke til med kurset, jeg har klokketro på at det blir en super suksess!

  • Denise December 23, 2011 at 3:21 am

    Nice job, Sigrid!
    As a person who was hospitalized herself for an eating disorder (twice) it was and still is a phenomenal important topic for me. Not going to go into all of the issues of the “hard body” eighties but NOW the the images that are in young peoples’ faces are computer-enhanced or even computerized!!!…my point?!
    1st…it’s absolutely UNREALISTIC! yet young girls and boys are STILL comparing real girls to this image! sigh….
    2nd…It has NOTHING to do with what a person is about.

    If we all stopped letting this imagery be “attractive” we might have a chance of changing it. And if someone was TRULY interested in being known for what they’re about then it shouldn’t need to be airbrushed now would it?!?!

    Again – nice job!!

    ….someone who has refused to buy magazines (particularly fashion magazines!) for 25+ years)

  • Lynn December 22, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    I needed to read this today. I struggle with my own body image issues and worry constantly that my negative self image will negatively affect my daughter. I have always been a curvy, but thin person until I was placed on bed rest with a difficult pregnancy. I gained about 75lbs. Of which, 50lbs I have not been able to loose. Reading this makes me realize that I am so much more than an extra 50lbs! I have lost sight of my typically positive self. I want to teach my daughter to love herself, not hate.

    Thank you! The hair raised on my arms when I read this and I have found new energy! Here’s to being a better woman in 2012!

    • Sigrid December 22, 2011 at 6:03 pm

      Yay Lynn!! And I will be here to remind you….so let’s do it!!!

  • Allyson December 22, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Beautiful. This story is beautiful…just like me and my two baby girls!

    • Sigrid December 22, 2011 at 6:48 am

      You said it Mama!!!

  • Shawna December 21, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    ((tears are falling)) You are such an amazing mother and woman !! I love how you handled the situation. This story touched my heart. Thank you for sharing!!

    • Sigrid December 21, 2011 at 7:08 pm

      Shawna! Thank you for saying that!! I sure hope so….