I was helping my daughter get ready for bed tonight. She was tired and when we tired, we are sometimes emotional. My daughter is a strong girl. She has a deep connection to herself, her strength and her identity – it is a joy to watch. But sometimes she doesn’t. And this was one of those moments.
She said to me “Mamma, I hate it, but I feel fat…”
Ok! Crap, the conversation no mother wants to have. Cause how do you deal with this? What can I say that isn’t going to blow her off (undervalue her emotions) or create an over emphasis – an over focus on self! “Think of something smart to say, Sigrid, to snap her into self love…NOW!”
I don’t know that what I said really cured my daughter of future self loathing moments, but what followed was important. So important, I wanted to share it with you.
So I said to her….
“You know you can look around at probably the majority of women you come across each day and you know what is going on in their minds over and over throughout the day?
“What?” said my daughter curiously.
“You are so stupid! What a moron you are! How could you have said that/done that? You can’t do anything right! You are a failure…Look at you, you are so ugly! How could you be so stupid? You don’t deserve a good life….and it goes on and on.”
“What!! Really? Why?” she said
“Well, let’s say that a woman, a long time ago, maybe when she was 8 like you, she had a yucky thought about herself. Instead of knowing that her brain is not the teller of truths, it is just processing information, she BELIEVED that thought and every other thought that passed through her mind. She believed this negative thought the moment it popped into her head. She didn’t question it. And it grew. And it grew and it grew and it grew. And she found more reasons (thoughts) to support this first negative thought and after years and years of telling herself how ugly she was, that ONE THOUGHT, that LIE, became her very identity. Baby, so many people don’t understand that they don’t have to believe every thought that they think. That they have the power to question their thoughts and choose ones that feel good!”
My baby is almost falling asleep as I talk, but I know she understands. But as she slows her breath and cuddles real close I ask her this…
“So, you say you feel fat and ugly, what is REALLY TRUE for you sweet Sophie?”
“That I am beautiful just like you mamma….!”
I almost died…..
Your challenge! Notice the thoughts you tell yourself about YOU. Are they positive, supportive, forgiving, loving? If not, challenge these thoughts you have about yourself and choose to celebrate you. And don’t tell me there is nothing there to love, you ARE love. And remember, how you feel about yourself is how she is going to feel about herself….
P.S. I’d like to show you how to create a life where you are in charge of your own joy. I am looking for 100 moms to turn into truly Joyful Mothers. I am on a mission! To start a Happiness Revolution for mothers – to give moms the practical and intuitive tools they need to parent from a more calm and joyful place. We know it matters to our children, lets make it REALLY matter to us. Are you up for it? Sign up below and be among the first to receive information regarding the release of the Mommy Meltdown Cure in early 2012 and get your hands on the early bird discount!!