The ego. What is it and why does it get in our way?
The basis of my work at The Joyful Mother is helping women see, understand and navigate through our ego. As far as our identities go, most of us live lives fully engaged with the ego. We don’t consciously know there is anything else underneath. We do, however, sense this “other” state of being in flashes. Those moments when the mind is quiet and peace and joy reign give you a sense of this other place. But we don’t know how to stay there and life snaps us back in to the clutches of the ego until we can experience these moments of spontaneous FLOW once again.
So what is the ego really? The ego, is, in essence, the outward manifestation of unconsciousness and in specific, the culmination of two mental habits. So, what are those habits? The first one stems from our tendency, unconsciously of course, of believing every thought that passes through our mind. Not just do we believe, without question, each thought we think, but we identify with each thought as well. Each thought is like a brush stroke on the canvas of our self image. The problem with this is that our brain is NOT a truth telling machine. It’s job is to simply process our outer world. When it experiences a stimuli from the environment, it attempts to make sense of it by connecting it to existing neurological pathways, memories and habits. This is how we make sense of the world. But this is NOT the source of wisdom or truth within us. THAT comes from that “other” place (getting to it, I promise!)
So the ego’s strength rests on you believing everything you think, especially the stuff that keeps you small, limited and afraid. The ego is the voice inside your mind that believes the world is scary, that you are in a constant state of threat. It’s real intention is to keep you safe, but it keeps you closed down instead. Stuck in a jail surrounded by illusions the brain processes as truths. The ones the ego loves the most are: I am not worthy! No one can love me! I can’t do it! I will never amount to anything! I am a looser! I am just stupid! I can never change!
Workaround nr. 1
In order to challenge the ego, we must challenge the TRUTH of our thoughts. The ego’s power rests in your unquestionable belief in it. It cannot withstand the truth. Begin by catching your ego in action. That is easy, every time you feel bad, your ego is in the driver’s seat. Once you have caught that slippery little buggar, hold it up to the light and question the assumption it is feeding you by asking “is this true?” if you get a yes…ask again “is this really, really, no question, 100% true?” or “if love was my guide, would this still be true?” Cracks will start to form. You will begin feeling the TRUTH creep in the more you ask this question, the more you question your thoughts. Choose to then assume or take on the truth as your chosen belief instead of the illusion the ego has been feeding you. This takes practice, awakening is no simple task, the ego has us engrained in some seriously strong mental habits, but a sliver of willingness is all it takes to begin crumbling the wall and letting light in!
The second mental habit that fuels ego identification is an extension of believing in every thought that we think and is rooted in our misunderstanding of the role of emotions. Many of the lies the ego tells us were placed there by messages from significant people in our lives or society “truths” that we believe without question. As children, many of us were told, either directly or indirectly, that we are unworthy of love for example. We believe that because we were children and lacked a source that countered that message. We had no choice but to believe it, because it came from an “adult” authority. We processed that truth and took on the emotion that came with it: shame, insignificance, self-loathing, etc…
So we carry these emotions with us throughout our lives. Not consciously of course. The ego gets it’s power from “unresolved emotional imbalance”. We carry them into every relationship and condition of our lives clouding our vision and serving to sabotage our BEST selves and keeping us unconsciously linked to the past. But what we don’t realize is that ego is weak. When ego is sitting in the driver’s seat though, we don’t see this. On the contrary, it feels more like ego has us in a vice grip, sucking out the last breath of joy within us and keeping us hostage of the past or of our crappy present.
Workaround nr. 2
Ego’s kryptonite is surrender. Ego keeps us prisoners by having us believe that actually FEELING our emotions is the most frightening thing we can do, but surrendering to the strong emotions that we feel, that keep us limited, is just what will free us. You see, we don’t truly understand the role of emotion in our life. Emotions want, no, NEED to be felt, to be processed. Emotions are sign-posts, giving us information about what we want more of or less of. They are directional information, that’s it. When we take the time to sit, go within and to allow the emotion (even if we are not clear what it exactly IS we are feeling) to wash over us, to step into it like a shower, to hang on to it, to not look away and to feel it fully, it passes and releases its grip around our neck. In addition, it gives us messages, sacred direction for our lives. Here is what a few of my clients have said about the results they have experienced from the meditative process I offer to release negative emotion:
“When I recognize the emotion in my stomach or I’m angry, sad, lack of energy (whatever the emotion) I stop what I’m doing an pay attention to where I’m holding that emotions. Sometimes my back hurts or I can feel it in my stomach. I say it’s ok to feel this….i ask my self, am I sad, angry, frustrated? Then I say it’s ok and feel the emotion. As soon as I put my attention or awareness on the emotion it fades. Sometimes it fades really quickly. Like within a minute. Then I ask myself how do I want to feel. Then generate that emotion.” – Kelli
“I learned, using the Release Meditation, to invite those feelings in, to let them become part of me. Then they were no longer something I was fighting against. I think that resistance is what I release in the meditation. When feelings are absorbed by my energy it no longer physically feels separate or like a threat… – Blair
“What was a powerful realization seems so simple ~ FEELINGS want to be FELT! When I allow myself to feel them, it is like they slowly diminish and calmed. It’s like they know they have served their purpose and are content to just chill. To separate my higher self from the fear, worry, anger (whatever) and to be an aware observer is amazing. It allows me to realize that they are JUST feelings…they cannot hurt me….unless they are repressed!” – Laura
The ego cannot withstand being SEEN, felt, processed. It thrives on the darkness of your mind. By bringing your emotions that make you feel bad into the light, they are transmuted into light themselves. You are freed. It is from THIS PLACE of FLOW that joy and love become consistently players in your game of life. This is where you no longer get flashes of happiness here and there, but get to swim in joy everyday!
When I work with moms around the world, not only do I help them question the voice of ego but I help them teach their children to do the same. When a child is taught, from loving and emotionally healthy parents, to question their thoughts, to process and let go of emotions that hold them back, that they do not need, they will have within their grasp the tools of emotional autonomy and a consistently joyful life.
If you feel like you have some unresolved, stuck emotional energy that seem to impact how you react to what life throws at you, if you suffer from strong bouts of fear, worry and anxiety which stop you from living from FLOW, stop you from living a joyful existence, connect with me. I offer a 45 minute Guided Release Session where I walk you through the process of feeling and releasing what you want to be FINISHED with emotionally.
Most people are afraid of feeling their feelings. We know those monsters are there but we choose to submerge and suppress those things we don’t want to feel. But, do they never truly go away? Even if we shove them to a deep, unconscious level, the energy of our emotions are always circulating in our energy field impacting our thoughts, emotions and actions.
In the 45 minute Guided Release Session I offer, I hold your hand through this process, supporting you, reminding you that your feelings cannot actually hurt you and encouraging you to let them go. To get the most from this process, you must be in a state of mind where you are willing and ready to let your stuff go and step into a life of joy.
Purchase your spot here and I will connect with you in the next few minutes to confirm your email address and schedule your session! The price includes an MP3 recording of both our session and the Guided Release Meditation for your daily use.
If you have questions about the process, just send me an email at email@example.com or click on the blue Contact button on the right hand bottom corner here on this page.
Joy bubbles naturally into to the surface in a state of mind FREE of heavy emotional energy. Let go of it today.