How much of a factor is fear in your life?
I simply love this quote by Elisabeth Kubler Ros:
“There are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt. It’s true that there are only two primary emotions, love and fear. But it’s more accurate to say that there is only love or fear, for we cannot feel these two emotions together, at exactly the same time. They’re opposites. If we’re in fear, we are not in a place of love. When we’re in a place of love, we cannot be in a place of fear.”
When we become mothers for the first time, it is love that is often our first emotion. The intensity of the child-birth experience blows us away. We cannot believe we are finally looking at this little person we have been carrying around inside of us for the last 9 months, for the very first time. However, it is only hours, minutes or even seconds before fear takes hold.
Of course an element of fear is natural in such a new experience. I freaked out big time when my little Sophie was born. She was 5 weeks premature and although I was completely calm and joyful during the birth and the few days we were in the hospital, the moment I got her home, I sort of crumbled. I was so afraid of doing something wrong or not doing it “right” – not soothing her right, feeding her right, getting her to sleep right, playing and interacting with her right. I relied heavily on the advice of experts and was a total “google it” mama.
I so wanted to do this vitally important thing called mothering to the very best of my ability! I learned tons of things from experts outside myself, some things that worked and some things that didn’t. And even still there were some things that worked, but in retrospect I would do totally differently today.
Why is that so? I mean, what is different between me then and me now? Sure, age and experience – that always helps. Trial and error with kids is golden… But what is really fundamentally different between me then and me now came about when two fundamental shifts occurred in my thinking:
My FOCUS is no longer on what I am not, or what I can’t do or not doing right as a mother but on what I am doing right and tapping into my BEST self in any moment. I trust myself, my intuition and am not afraid of failing because I know I am always growing as a parent in service to myself and my children. Embracing the good, the bad and the ugly, releases fear!
My FOCUS is on love and not on fear. I make this conscious choice everyday to focus on what is working, what I do well, I focus on the positive aspects of my children as well and make time to step into the energy of love before I speak or act.
Because fear, doubt, worry, guilt, anxiety can take over. If you let it. If you are unconscious, asleep at the wheel fear will begin to run your life, make choices for you and slowly separates you from love.
Of course love is never really gone. It is this ever present current that runs underneath your very consciousness. When we are not tapped into love, we feel bad, frustrated. We yearn to feel good, to be at one with love. As a mother, when we consciously step into a commitment to parent from love, kindness, compassion and understanding we feel amazing! It is from this place our intuition flows, we know what to do to care for and serve our children in any moment, even in the midst of the chaos and turmoil.
I know many of you are reading this and thinking, “Ok, yup, that is what I do…I focus on fear, what I am not doing right and you are right Sigrid, it doesn’t feel good! But how do I shift to love…?!”
Remember above I told you about my two shifts. The second one was all about recognizing when I was not present in a loving energy and then shifting into conscious love. This does not mean that I become a doormat, a passive player in my family. On the contrary!! Shifting to love takes the focus off of me (my frustration, my worry, my stress, my anxiety, my fear, my feelings of lack of control) and puts a soft focus on my child. I get curious. I become compassionate and understanding. My words and actions reflect an “appropriateness” to the situation at hand without any of the yelling and aggression that comes from lashing out from stress. I become fully equipped in my mind, body and spirit to parent from my BEST self.
Does any of that sound weak? Not to me. To me, parenting from the heart, from love is the most courageous thing you can do for you child and for yourself.
So let’s get specific about how you can make this shift. For some, it may be effortless. For others, that are more stuck in their head, it can be a challenge. For the next week do the following:
1. For the next day or two, notice how you wake up. Notice the thoughts in your head. Are they thoughts of frustrtation, overwhelm, stress, worry or self-doubt?
2. Consciously choose to step into a love consciousness the moment your eyes open. That means say to yourself something like this: “Today, I let love infuse my thoughts, my words and my actions”
3. Expect to see and experience love, compassion, kindness, empathy and tenderness throughout your day.
4. Notice how this new, more conscious focus on love impact your reality. Notice how your thoughts, your words and your actions are impacted by this simple shift in focus.
Please comment below or send me an email if this challenge changes something significant in your life or impacted you positively in any way.