The other day, I sent The Joyful Mother community a request for feedback. I wanted to make sure that I was hitting all the topics of interest for my readers. Boy, did I get a ton of responses back!! Thank you to everyone to sent their feedback and questions to me. I will be touching on all of these issues individually and in greater depth in the months to come.
While I was reading all the posts and mails that came it, I started seeing a commonality in most of what I was reading. The situations were different, different challenges, different scenarios, but for almost everyone that sent me comments, these challenges had an internal source. For example:
- How do I help diffuse my own grumpy mood? How do I help diffuse my child’s grumpy mood?
- How do I love my body after having had a baby?
- How do I begin to see how great life is when my life is just so busy?
- How do I get past (the fear of) boredom staying at home with my child?
- How do I get past my own guilt trip after I have lost it with my kids and get back to a joyful state?
- How do I get past the fear that when my children are grown, they won’t respect or appreciate me?
- What are the best ways to stop and take notice of joyful things?
- How do I stop yelling at my toddler?
- How do I stay a joyful mother when my kids don’t want to listen?
- How do I stay positive, joyful, patient and loving when we are tired and kids are acting up?
- What can I do to stop obsessing over how fast time is passing and how fleeting childhood is?
Lots of different topics!!! I bet you can relate to at least one of them. I sure can. What is happening for many of you though is that you are only relating to the circumstances – struggling with a context that is less difficult, a feeling that you don’t want to have. Circumstances in our lives are actually neutral – it is the label we put on it, good or bad that influences how we feel about it. For some people a husband that travels places stress and pressure on a mother, when another mother sees it as a chance to cultivate a little one on one connection with her kids or enjoy time alone.
By looking inward and locating the source of the stress – the THOUGHT or PERSPECTIVE that is holding you locked in this particular circumstance and then choosing another, more positive, more optimistic, more open, solution oriented perspective, it will literally free you.
From life experience and processing our world, our brains are programmed to think in certain ways. Our thoughts are often habitual. Changing these thoughts will change your brain and create new, more positive habitual thoughts. We can choose thoughts that LIBERATE us, FREE us, give us JOY. But, it will take practice and commitment. On the up side, it is so much FUN! When you begin experimenting with thought and noticing the resulting outcomes of your shifting thoughts, you will get hooked and will be recognizing your true power.
Everything we see around us, every physical, man-made thing has its source inside someone’s mind. We create our reality in just the same way – from the inside out.
Let’s take the same list as above, choose an alternative thought or perpective see what we get ->
- I see that my grumpy mood comes from not taking care of me and that my child is only mirroring my energy. I comit to filling myself up each day – my “preventative medicine”!
- I have realized that my body is a miracle! It created a whole new person. I consciously look at my body and recognize its beauty and miraculous nature and at the same time comitt to actions that will bring my body back to its natural slender shape.
- I have begun to STOP and look for life’s greatness – I expect to see it and I do.
- I consciously tap into curiosity, love and connection each day with my child – bringing a spark into our relationship
- I forgive myself for not being perfect, for making mistakes and I extract the learning in every mistake I make. I am constantly learning and evolving as a mother and as an individual.
- I respect and appreciate me and communicate this to my children. I also respect and appreciate them and I tell them that. This is the foundation for our future healthy adult relationships.
- I look for joyful things, I find things to appreciate in my life. I cultivate an attitude of appreciation by practicing seeing these things each and everyday.
- I forgive myself for yelling and begin to explore ways that both work better, feel better and get the results I want.
- I am clear about what I expect from my children as well as communicate consequence for both good and bad behavior – giving them the framework they need to meet my expecations and feel successful themselves.
- Even when I am tired after a long day, I remember that my kids are kids and I take the focus OFF myself and onto them – getting curious. What is the crazy behavior at the end of the day telling me, what do they need, what does my instinct say will calm them down? I also communicate clear expecations and make evening time a chance for my kids to feel successful at meeting my expecations.
- I stop thinking about the future and pull myself whenever I remember to, into the present moment and get excited about what is there! I know that if I spend all my time dreading the future, I won’t notice the present…where life is actually happening.
Pushing, pulling and trying to find solutions for your challenges on the outside is fleeting and super frustrating! My challenge for you is to begin shifting your focus inwards, notice the thoughts you are thinking that are contributing to your disharmony and then reframe them. It is not as hard as you think it is. What you will notice when you comitt to taking charge of your mind, is that your circumstances will change. They have to. Take a moment to look at the new perspectives in the last list. What kind of results or circumstances do you think are available from these places? I am guessing good ones.
Stay tuned – January I will be launching my brand new online coaching program called the Mommy Meltdown Cure™ where you will be given the opportunity to learn life skills that will send you into serious mommy empowerment! I can’t wait to tell you more!