I think we lie to ourselves. Well, not consciously and maybe even not deliberatly, and if it isn’t a straight out lie, then it could be more of a dilusion….
Since summer (the longest summer holiday known to man…hence my absence from my blog), I have been moaning and complaining about how I have no balance in my life. Without school, my kids have looked to me for enteratainment and I must say I disapointed them….it’s hard for me to just sit down and concentrate on play for longer than 10 minutes. So their needs and my inability to provide them with a stimulating environment has been a real source of stress these last few months for me and for the kids as well.
I have been totally self focused to be honest. It is a challenge juggling a growing business with only a few hours in the day to focus on work, kids that need more than food and water, a husband that needs attention, a house to manage, cool new friends to hang with, a good book to be read, excercise to be done 5 times a week. But my drive and my passion has been 98% on work – my job as a life coach for the stressed out mom fills me with purpose and meaning in a way that few things ever have.
The lie I was telling myself was that my children were the source of my stress. If we don’t look deeper and find the real source of stress…the stuff we tell ourselves, we will never be free from negative feeling and we end up punishing those around us for our misguided focus.
I realized that the feelings that I was looking for, feelings of productivity, balance, creativity, flow, usefulness (being useful), fun – all the stuff I get from my work and wanted more of – hey! they could be found hanging with my kids as well.
You may think (and I think this as well at time) that being a mom is my job – the most important job in the world and a shift of focus should be easy just based on that fact. I believe that – I really do. But it isn’t enough.
I believe, even more strongly, that we don’t do anything in life if there isn’t something in it for us. I think that we are all inherently selfish and that that isn’t a bad thing. Life is about constant expansion – learning, growing, becoming more of who we are. We just have to look for the motivation (what’s in it for me..). By stepping away from an attachment to things looking a certain way, I began to see that the feelings I was striving for could be found really in any setting I found myself in, that. I was all about choice and focus.
So we have two choices. Do we focus on what we don’t have….the lack in our lives. For me it was all those feelings I wanted to feel and didn’t or do we figure out what we do want to feel or do we start looking for opportunites to feel good, balanced, joyful. What you choose to focus on is all up to you in each moment of each day.
The shift to a focus on my two amazing children opened the door to all those really good feelings in me and between us (productivity, balance, creativity, flow, usefulness, fun) and gave them exactly what they needed from me….presence and connection. I haven’t seen my kids this content in months. Now this is really living..!!
Stuff to think about:
Where do you focus on lack in your life?
Where can you shift your focus and open up for more of what you really want to flood in?
How would that change how you feel? What impact would it have on those close to you?