I lost it the other night. Big time. I was putting the kids to bed, lying there waiting for Christopher to go through his entire nighttime routine. I had my workout clothes on and was eager to put the kids to bed fast and then kick it with my man to a Jillian Michaels workout dvd. Oh man, did the little dude take forever….
Sophie was in the bed too and was exhausted and desperate for the action and messing about to stop so sleep could rush in and restore her little soul.
Finally, the third toilet visit was finished, his polar bear was found, they finally agreed on which side of the bed they were going to sleep on, the door was cracked, daddy got his kisses, songs were sung and stillness settled in the room. Ahhhh….nice to feel those little bodies resting after a long day.
“Mamma, I need some water.”
Oh God. Were we not done yet!?!?!
I told him to go out to his father and get him to help him (we can’t drink the tap water so he has to go all the way downstairs to get water). Daddy told him to go on down and get some. By this time, all I hear was crying from the living room. I go out and just grab him and drag him back into the bedroom. Ugh. I was so done. He cried even more. I didn’t even wait to find out what the problem was, why he had been crying. It turned out he was scared to go downstairs alone. Daddy obviously was done for the night too.
We went downstairs and got the water together and I apologized profusely. I had scared him. In my journey as a mother, my proudest accomplishment is that I don’t yell anymore in a stress induced rage. It really hasn’t been a conscious choice to NOT yell, but as my commitment to parent from love grows, the need to yell simply fades. I get my point across in other ways.
But not this time. I know that I am only human and we all take steps back even when new habits have been instilled, but this slip-up was harsh. My restlessness and need for mommy chill time was so extreme it had shut me off from even seeing his needs with a tender heart. I felt like CRAP. Couldn’t even enjoy my workout, I felt like such a shitty mother. Guilt was creeping its tentacles up towards my neck, I felt it about to take hold and then I stopped. I knew that falling deep into guilt would not help me in this moment nor make me a better mother.
I realigned to love and asked myself “What Would Love Do?”
Well in that moment I saw that love would take a deep breath, love would relax, love turn away from the lie of being a bad mother and would connect to the truth that I am indeed a wonderful mother to my two precious children.
Love would also listen and learn.
What was I missing inside of me that lead me to that reaction?
What did our night time routine need more of, or less of, to make it flow and feel wonderful?
What did Christopher need at night to make him feel settled, peaceful?
What would I (we) do differently next time?
After our workout, my husband and I sat down and answered these questions. The talk left us both feeling great and EMPOWERED and with a few ideas to begin implementing the next day. Often it takes slip-ups like this to realign your love trajectory – get you back on a conscious track of love. Now I am more tapped into our sacred evening routines more than ever. I don’t know, but since then I have seen a change in my daughters mood in the morning. She is brighter, happier, more positive about life. That does a mamma’s soul good.
What You Can Do To Get These Same Results ->
1. When you slip-up, loose your conscious focus on love in the moment and react from stress, allow yourself to feel those feelings. But not for too long. Get good at understanding that wallowing in guilt is not serving you or your children and your job is to serve them from joy. Isn’t it? So, feel the feelings and then invite LOVE back in by asking “What Would Love Do Right Now?!”
2. My husband and I always like to use situations like this or when we notice our family dynamics lack flow to sit down together and explore what is missing or what our life individually or as a family needs to bring us back to our collective energy of love and harmony. Take time to explore your family dynamics either with your partner or alone in an honest way – from the heart. Remember your intention for improving the situation must come from love and wanting the very best outcome for all.
3. Of course I apologized. I used to hear myself apolgizing to my kids all the time :-( Now, it happens only sometimes. But it is an important act of courage. I grew up with a mother that NEVER aplogized so I lacked the deep connection that showing weakness and vunerabilty can give. An apology when you are truly sorry conveys a sense of humanity to your children and lets them know that, just like them, you make mistakes and strive to learn from them. Your children do not fundamentally want you to be perfect – how would they learn?!
4. I forgave myself. I challenged the thoughts that came creeping in, that I sucked and replaced them with the truth. I am wonderful and am the BEST mamma for my babies.
5. Take care of you!! When I feel depleted or even disorganized, I have a greater tendency to snap. Commit to managing your day to include ways to take care of you. If that means excessing or cleaning out that junk drawer – Do It!
What do you do to realign to love when your focus is lost? Would love to hear!!
P.S. As always, I am here to serve YOU. If you want to take these ideas to a deep and practical place – begin forging love habits that stick, and join in the growing group of moms actively committed to learning these new concrete strategies, join my online homestudy program, the Mommy Meltdown Cure. The program is flexible and designed to go at your pace and it doesn’t matter where you live in the world to take part! Here is what Elieen had to say about the course:
“Joining Sigrid on the MMC was one of the best things I have done for myself as a mother (and a person), and my family. At the start of the programme I wrote down the big things that bothered me about my parenting – being quick to get angry, focusing on the logistics of parenting rather than the joy, not feeling proud of myself as a mother, and my fear that my days of parenting were passing in a blur. With Sigrid’s help, and with the very first task, I realized that there is already a fabulous mother inside me. Sigrid gave me some very practical tasks and daily tools which have allowed that mother to be the one that shows up and I am very proud of myself! ”