It dawned on me yesterday that I have some inner child issues….
- I have a short attention span
- When I am tired or hungry or sad, I want what I want when I want it
- I am impatient and suffer from immediate gratification syndrome
- I imbibe in things I know are not good for me (specifically too much booze on the weekends)
- I am a little, or a lot depending on who you ask, self focused (heard once that all entrepreneurs suffer from this to some degree…)
- I am fiercely independent and a total non-conformist
Kids are just like this – at least mine are. So to get to the bottom of this, less than constructive relationship, I wanted to give this inner child a voice – I have a feeling she has something to say. Nothing has been edited – I give it to you as is. I got a lot out of this conversation!
Grown-up me: So there you are! I get the feeling we’ve been “collaborating” for some years now. Why is it just now that I am really seeing you and your influence in my life?
Teenage me: I hate to admit this, but I think it is because I have served a purpose up until this poin. I think you “see” me so clearly now because you are beginning to outgrow me.
Grown-up me: I really really get that you are a major player in my life, but not a necessarily destructive influence though. What is your purpose, what do you want for me?
Teenage me: I am here to liberate you!! To give you freedom, relief, to live from that “fly-by-the-seat-of- your-pants” kind of feeling. It feels good doesn’t it? When I show up you don’t have to conform, you don’t have to play by anyone’s rules! It is all about YOU and what you want and what makes you feel good. Isn’t that the most important thing to you?
Grown-up me: Sure, I love to feel the rush of life and all those things makes me feel free and I love FREEDOM. It is just that we are struggling here – you and me. The thing is, I want to be able to focus on what is important to me for longer than 10 seconds, I want to be better at putting my needs aside for the needs of others even when I feel depleted, I want to be able to tap into a sea of patience and calm, I want to know when enough is enough, even with the best wine and make taking care of my body my priority, I want to step away from my desires and my “current state of affairs” and make thinking of others first my default and I want to need people more often. You stop me from all of that.
Teenage me: Only because you let me and only because I have done a good job hiding out all these years – working behind the scenes.
Grown-up me: Listen, I don’t want to banish you or anything, I want us to actually complement each other. You give so many WONDERFUL things to my life as well. Such as:
- Puppy-like playfulness
- A feeling of connectedness to all people I meet
- A strong creative and innovative side
- Spontaneous humor and unbridled joy that bubbles easily to the surface
- A relaxed and easy going approach to life
- Faith in my ability to create my life any way I wish
- Ability to connect deeply and easily to children
When it’s good, it’s GREAT! So what do you need from me to make this relationship more of a good thing than a bad one?
Teenage me: I need to be seen. I may have been hiding out and wielding a fair amount of power, but it has been lonely. I have seen my impact on you and it doesn’t make me happy. Also as you see me, I would like you to let me out creatively more often. We need this….each day to do something creative just for the hell of it. This will fill me up. Also talk to me. When you feel that my less than constructive sides emerging, let’s talk! Ask me in that moment “What is most important right now?” and the truth will come through. Your job then is to listen and to heed the truth. Oh and appreciate me!! All the good stuff you just mentioned – take a second every now and then and tell me how I rock – that feels really good!
Grown-up me: Man, that is really wise words for a kid….I am thinking you are not really an unruly teenager are you?
Teenage me: Yes and no….my behavior may seem so, and it’s fun to play the part, but I am the voice of your intuition in truth. You have some habits and behaviors that don’t feel good. I am both the bad behavior and the solution to it. All in the name of your expansion – of taking you to the next level of YOU! Does that make sense?
Grown-up me: It does, I like that! But it feels hard. I mean I see this and totally understand where you are coming from but I am afraid that these habits lie too deep and I won’t be able to change.
Teenage me: Be easy on yourself Sig! You asked me what I needed to make us better together? Forgive yourself nr. 1 for all the things you do that you know you shouldn’t. And do one thing, ONE thing better today. That is it. You can do that, right?
Grown-up me: I can do that. Thank you…ME ♥