Being perfect is something many of us strive for. We want to be perfect mothers, perfect friends, perfect at our jobs. This may go against conventional thought, and sound oh so anti-feminist but, I actually think this reaching for “perfection”, or more, is completely wonderful, exciting and totally human.
Except for one thing…we don’t really know what perfect is.
The majority of us live, very much disconnected from ourselves. Our sense of who we are is built, from an early age, on our accomplishments and our appearance. As we maneuver through the world and through our life, we define a sense of self from how others have defined or judged us. The becoming more of who we are becomes totally influenced by these experiences. I believe the concept of a “mid-life” crisis is simply when a person comes to a point in their life where they are tired of having their true desires numbed by societal or familial expectations. They want to break free of the chains and do what they want to do for once!! And how many marriages end in divorce because the marriage was “expected” or they had been together since high school, so it was just the natural next step. I am sure many people have ended their lives never really knowing what TRUE love felt like!
The problem is this:
We are not taught how to tap into, listen to and heed our own inner voice. The voice that says “You know what, I don’t really love this guy…why am I marring him again?” or “I don’t really want to go to that party tonight, but everyone else is going, so I guess I’ll go”. I am sure in your own life, you can think of a dozen examples (big or small) where your choices have been made based on other people’s desires – not your own.
So when we are talking about becoming more, expanding, learning, improving, reaching our full potential, or reaching for something ideal in our lives, I would like to offer a new phrase instead of the word perfect – how about “becoming more ME!” I believe this is what we really want when we are striving to be the best in our lives, but we are just looking outside of us for it instead of inside.
Imagine a society being taught from an early age how to use our inner voice to guide us in defining what is meaningful to US. We would not feel less than anyone else, because everyone would be on their own path of becoming. And so we would be inspired by others – integrating new ideas and new desires from the world around us all along the way. This new way of living would include ideas around what we want to become and also make space for who we are right now…the good, the bad and the sometimes ugly (our shadow selves). We would forgive ourselves swiftly and regularly for when these shadow sides showed up in our lives, letting feelings of remorse go and knowing that we can and would do better next time.
Now wouldn’t a world with that kind of “perfection” be amazing? Imagine young girls and boys being taught to be themselves, trust themselves, imagine people in all kinds of professions because they WANT to be their, imagine the beauty and creative expression that would bless our world from a place of natural, unbridled BECOMING? Imagine the JOY that would grace our earth. Imagine the peace….
So where does your image of becoming get murky with other people’s expectations or opinions? How about finding 5 minutes today to ask yourself what you really want? No harm in asking, it’s listening to the truth that just may set you free.