Many parents ask me for tips on how to influence good behavior in their children. I talk, as you know, a lot about the impact we have on our kids…that how we show up matters and how we show up influences the behavior of our children and the world around us. If mama is irritated, cranky, feeling bad about herself it WILL influence the dynamics of the family – there is no doubt. And the reverse is of course true as well. We all know this right?
When we communicate feelings and attitudes, 93% of what other’s receive from us is non-verbal. And in a family situation, isn’t most of what we communicate in the realm of feelings and attitudes? So, as parents where is our seat of power? I believe it resides less in what we do or say and more within the realm of the “non-verbal” – that how we show up non-verbally is the foundation for what we ultimately do or say. And our non-verbal communication comes directly from our thoughts and feelings. They influence how we show up in our world. It is simple. As I mentioned above….if we are thinking negative, sad, frustrated thoughts…it will show through and impact our energy, our vibe, our body language and ultimately our speech and our actions. (Note! In this post, I interchanging the words “energy” (to mean the feelings we convey to others based on our thoughts) and “non-verbal” communication.)
Ok, I want us to stop right here for a second. I am not going to sit here and tell you that you have to be all happy-schnappi ALL the time or that its bad to have a bad day. It isn’t possible nor is it the way life is! What I do want to do is to inspire you to THINK about and notice your energy and understand ultimately by managing what happens on the inside of you, that it will have directly and proportional impact on the world around you.
So my challenge for you is to begin to play with energy! Start noticing how YOUR energy impacts the world around you. For example, here are some ways that I have consciously “reined in” my mind and managed my energy to positively impact my family:
- At bed time, when my little one is restless and can’t seem to find sleep, I lay next to him and I relax. Instead of telling him that now is sleep time, close your eyes, stop moving around, I just calm myself. I practice grounding my energy, relaxing my whole body, slowing my breathing. And it has an immediate effect on him. He begins to mirror my slow, relaxed state and falls asleep (we both do!!) within minutes.
- 3 year old meltdowns! Instead of engaging with him over some frustration in the moment, I get clear about my position in the situation (no means no and I am not going to change my mind), CHOOSE to relax and stay rooted in my own energy and then I let him have his emotions. Usually, if there are no other needs he needs met (like sleep or food), the intense emotions passes in just a few short minutes.
- My husband works hard and travels quite a bit. Sometimes he comes home frustrated. Instead of responding to that frustration and simply mirroring it back to him, which only disconnects us and adds to greater frustration. I consciously meet him with a relaxed, grounded, open, loving energy state. This allows me to protect myself from the negative energy by not engaging with it, allowing it to pass right by me. And I can clearly see that what he is bringing into the home in these instances, has actually has nothing to do with me. My higher vibrational energy lifts him up, allowing him to shake off the heavy energy and step into my world of lightness and joy.
Those are a few ways I consciously manage my energy or how I “non-verbally” communicate with my family. Did you notice when I calmed my energy there were very few conscious thoughts that I thought? Relaxing and becoming peaceful within myself has proven to be one of the biggest preventative measures I have used in my life to combat stress and the dreaded “mommy meltdown!” Becoming not only aware of the impact YOU have, but experimenting with ways to improve relationships by managing your energy is so empowering! Because it isn’t only a gift to those around you, it is a gift to yourself! It frees you from stress and having to habitually react to every little thing the people around you throw at you!
P.S. I’d like to show you how to create a life where you are in charge of your own joy. I am looking for 100 moms to turn into truly Joyful Mothers. I am on a mission! To start a Happiness Revolution for mothers – to give moms the practical and intuitive tools they need to parent from a more calm and joyful place. We know it matters to our children, lets make it REALLY matter to us. Are you up for it? Sign up below and be among the first to receive information regarding the release of the Mommy Meltdown Cure in early 2012 and get your hands on the early bird discount!!