The Nag Monster ~ Love Logs

June 13, 2013

I thought I would write about a couple of incidents that happened this week and how love seeped into both of them.

Let me paint the picture for you….It is 104F outside, middle of a three day weekend, daddy is traveling, end of a BORING day watching TV for most of it. It is 5pm (cocktail hour is imminent)  and Christopher is harassing me for the umpteenth time about going into Dubai to buy a Monster High doll. Ok, so I promised them that we would hit the mall the next day to buy one toy for the airplane (leaving for vacation in a week or so). He had been bombarding me with “When are we going?!?!” and “Can’t we go today?!?!” literally ALL damn day.

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I snapped. Well, no, I guess I didn’t snap per se, but I went into major big boss, authoritative mode. I told him point blank; “Forget it! We’re not going. Tomorrow is off.”

Yes, they were both upset. Poor Sophie feels the brunt of the punishment and she was just chilling all day. Ok, so the dust settles. We are sitting there are tucked in on the sofa and I started asking myself, what would I have done differently if love had been the guiding force in my mind instead of what had been influencing my actions – my mental exhaustion leading to my stress reaction and my need for control of the situation and the flow of the weekend. I just wanted to hang out and be cozy!!

Ok, back to the sofa and talking to love…

“Talking to love” isn’t such a diffuse concept, all it means is tapping into that part of me that is open and expanded. Tenderness came rushing in. Now, I am the kind of parent that believes in follow through. If I say something is going to happen, a consequence, it will happen. I am not a “permissive” parent, but I am a fair and relaxed one. Taking something back, well, that is hard. But I realized that I had been unfair. The truth was that he was stir-crazy, excited about both the idea of getting a favorite doll, the excitement of taking on our vacation, had lots pent up energy needing to be released and is 5 years old.

So I looked at him and apologized for what had happened and told him I knew all of this harassment came from just being excited. But I told him that mamma really gets tired from all the questions. I reminded him that I had specifically told him many hours ago what was going to happen this weekend and that being a good listener makes everything so much more fun during the day.

I asked him if he agreed with the last sentence. He agreed.

The funny thing that I realized (I mean REMEMBERED) when I told him how tired mamma gets with all the questions was my secret weapon….the power of surrender. I am good at this, surrendering to the moment. Sometimes, though chaos and kid stuff distracts me and I forget, which I don’t beat myself up about, it is just part of being human. Just then I realized that if I had started the day with a acceptance mentality, none of this would have happened. What would have happened would have been his pleas falling on strong, calm mama ears. Patient mama ears. Understanding mama ears. Loving mama ears. From this place, I would not mind repeating myself 15 times, reminding him of the plan. To me, that is part of my job, to teach from patience. He is just little. What if I had expectations of him based on his perspectives, his age and not my expectations or my age? He may do what he did that day again, actually I expect him to. But I will be there to show him the way again. Learning is a process and I have his back.

My journey is about accepting when I mess up, going within to re-navigate and then bravely changing course and taking love with me.

We did end up going to the mall and had tons of fun.

Learning Points

1. I asked the question, what would love do and I listened to the answer.
2. I let compassion and empathy guide my thoughts, words and actions
3. I verbalized respect for him by communicating that understanding
4. I was clear about my expectations
5. I stepped out of my own set of expectations for how I though he should act and stepped into his world

Love Rules Mammas!!!

Was there something in this post that resonated with you, that you may try with your kids? Tell us below!

 

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