“We are struggling with staying positive, joyful, patient, loving, when we are tired, all 4 kids are acting up in their own way, fighting, not listening, making a mess on purpose.”
Many of us experience this challenge. Maybe not with 4 kids, but even one out of control child is sometimes enough to throw us over the edge! This has been one of the big areas that I have commited to improving in my life. I truly believe the night time ritual should be one of peace and calmness and if that isn’t possible, at least no mommy meltdowns!
So, I mentioned in a recent post, Empowerment Secrets for Mom, that we could try different approaches on how we manage and deal with our kids, but true lasting and powerful change comes from when we realize that our environment is directly influeced by what is going on in our insides…our brain, our thoughts and feelings.
Now, I am going to use my life as an example here. You may not have experienced these same tendencies, but I think you will be able to relate.
When I look back on the times when my kid’s behavior right before bedtime has made me loose my patience, I see 3 revelations!
- I was distracted. For some reason my children were talking me away from something I wanted or need to do and so I was showing up as less patient, more in need of obedience and more irritated.
- I was not organized. When I come up with a nice and relaxing way to ease into bedtime, my kids really respond…a book or story or even listening classical music. If I just sort of lay down with them and say “Ok, close your eyes, go to sleep…” the experience is far from smooth.
- I was thinking about my experience and totally disconnected from them. Has of course to do with what I am busy thinking about. We can only ever have one thought in our head at a time, so if I am busy thinking about work, my thoughts are NOT on them. Which means I am not in a place where I can create a deep connection and fill them up with the active loving they need to feel whole.
You may have your own list Iris, but remember, whatever it is that is going on inside of you, when you shift perspective or choose another though or focus, your environment and the people in it will be impacted.
My husband travels a bit and when he is gone, it always takes a few days for us to get our bearings. They like to test mommies limits and yes, I have been known to get hooked. But last night was really interesting. I decided suddenly at dinner that, I was simply not going to get triggered, was not going to loose it. And everytime I felt my blood rising to my head, it was like a trigger in it itself to relax and let it go. And the impact was amazing. I was able to calmly tell them my expectations and what could have turned into a shouting match, just passed as quickly as it came.
One additional piece of advice. Before the evening rituals begin, begin telling yourself a new story. Maybe one like mine – about choosing not to loose my temper. Here is another one I wrote in the Empowering Secrets for Mom blog post:
“Even when I am tired after a long day, I remember that my kids are kids and I take the focus OFF myself and onto them – getting curious. What is the crazy behavior at the end of the day telling me, what do they need, what does my instinct say will calm them down? I also communicate clear expecations and make evening time a chance for my kids to feel successful at meeting my expecations.”
If you get conscious about what is happening inside of YOU and then choose a new way of thinking or feeling about the situation, your situation WILL change. Make your new internal script something that will ALLOW joy and patience to rush in.
Hope this was helpful ♥