Why Parenting Isn’t as Tough as You Think It Is

November 1, 2012

A guest post by Carol Tuttle from The Child Whisperer

Once you let go of this myth, parenting gets easier…

The myth? Parenting has to be difficult.

Yes, you have tremendous responsibility. And yes, parenting is no small task. But it doesn’t have to hurt.

You can end the day feeling energized, rather than drained. Daily parenting experiences can feel simple and joyful. It’s all in what you choose to create.

What you focus on expands.

You are the creator of your life. Sometimes consciously and sometimes inadvertently, you have created your current experience

Whether your present life situation is one of joy or one of frustration, you have a more active role than you may have even realized.

Every person in this world is affected by the laws of creation, whether they know it or not. In basic terms, whatever you put your attention on—in belief, thought, and feeling—will come back into your life multiplied.

If you think a lot about what you don’t want, you will get a lot of it in your life. If you focus on your ideal experience, it will show up for you.

Whatever you focus on expands.

For parenting, this principle is huge. If you focus on all the things that could go wrong and all the mistakes you might make, you will actually create that experience in your relationship with your child.

But when you hold the heartfelt intention that you want to create a cooperative, joyful relationship, even if you don’t always know how, that experience (and the necessary inspiration) will naturally flow into your life.

Children are our greatest mirrors.

Life is a mirror reflecting back at us what we believe about ourselves and our experience. If you want to know what you believe about yourself as a parent, look at your experience and it will tell you.

If you believe that you are taken for granted, disobeyed, and frazzled, you will be.
If you believe that you are respected, appreciated, and a powerful force for good in your child’s life, you will be.

The beliefs you have always show up in return to make you right.

When our relationship with our children becomes strained or painful, we want to believe we couldn’t create that. After all, our children have their choices, too. How could we possibly create their actions?

Children have no hidden agendas.

They just want to feel loved, honored, and safe to be themselves. In an attempt to feel accepted, they easily fill the roles we give them. We create our relationship with our children more actively than we know.

Good news: we can create something better and something new.

How to create a happy, cooperative parent-child relationship (in 5 steps)

Consider these 5 simple steps to creating what you want:

1. Desire: yourself, “What would my ideal experience look like in this area of my life?” Get specific. Know what you want.

2. Ask: Ask God for what you want. Ask the universe. Ask a power greater than yourself. This is not limited to any belief system or spiritual orientation.

3. Believe: This step trips many people up. They have strong desire, but a low level of belief. Instead of raising their belief to match their desire, they just lower their level of desire and never achieve what they truly want. Energize your belief and stop settling for less.

4. Allow: Stop getting in your own way by trying to control outcomes. Release your fears of what will happen if you don’t get what you want. Just allow things to be the way they are. Act on any inspiration.

5. Thank: Express gratitude—gratitude to a higher power, gratitude to your children if they are involved, and gratitude to yourself for receiving and experiencing something that serves your higher good.

That’s it: desire, ask, believe, allow, and thank.

How this makes parenting easier

What do you want? A joyful, cooperative, mutually supportive relationship?

Practice those 5 principles for creation and see things get easier.

If your relationship with your child is not what you want it to be, honestly ask yourself, “What is this experience showing me about myself? What deeper belief of mine does this experience reflect? What am I afraid of? What worries do I focus on?”

You are responsible to create healthy patterns in your life and in your parenting that will support your child. You have so much power to accomplish this, starting with the power of your thoughts.

Start believing in the experience you want as if it already existed. It will exist sooner than you might think.

Thanks to Carol for an amazingly insightful post!

Carol’s Bio: Carol Tuttle is a teacher, speaker, healer—and the original Child Whisperer. Mother of five and grandmother of four, Carol supports parents live on her weekly call-in parenting podcast. Her fifth and latest book, The Child Whisperer, turns longstanding parenting assumptions on their head and gives adults eye-opening tools to understand and honor the children in their lives.

Go on and “like” Carol’s Facebook page at The Child Whisperer 





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  • Sigrid November 14, 2012 at 4:12 am

    I am so glad this article helped! You know you have done an amazing thing, adopting a child. Take some time to imagine what connection and closeness would look and feel like and you are closer to getting there!
    Good Luck!

  • Jane November 13, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Thanks for the advice. I am really struggling with post adoption depression at the moment and just can’t seem to feel positive about anything. All I feel is fear that I can’t see an end to the uncomfortable feelings and that I have made everyone’s life more difficult. Your advice has encouraged me to try to look at things from a different perspective. I am a type 2 and value connections to people, a connection is not something I currently have with my adoptive child and I find it so difficult. I will now try to work to a more positive mind set.