So I have been doing nothing but arguing with Sophie, my 6 year old these days. As all 6 year olds are, she want what she wants when she wants it regardless of what mamma is doing or where we are. As the weather has warmed up considerably, she is especially fixated on ice cream and can, if permitted, begin eating ice cream at 9am and continue throughout the day. So, of course any conscientious parent isn’t going to be comfortable letting your child have 4-5 ice creams during the course of a day and this is what I tell her….but she doesn’t give up….the arguments over ice cream can last all day – both of us engaged in the battle and each of us hoping to break the other one down. Days like these just do beat me down – I am left drained and feeling just so hopeless. All I want her to understand is that when I say NO it is for a good reason – I am trying to take care of her!!
Last night, we were at it again. I don’t even remember what the argument was about but she started getting really angry that I was angry. And so I said to her “Hey, mamma has the right to get mad here – you are not being a good listener…” and she said to me “Well, I never get to be mad!” An the light bulb hit me – or rather crashed down on me….
I realized that that is exactly what the problem was. I was working so hard to make her understand how rightI was and in a way force submission, I wanted her to accept the NO without argument. As an effect, she was unable to truly feel how she felt and let it go.
I now have a whole new perspective on how I need to show up in these situations. I can and will say NO whenever I feel it necessary…after all I am her mother and am in charge of caring for her. And she can protest all she wants to – she can feel angry, frustrated, sad, disappointed – they whole array of yucky feelings. But I no longer need her to not react or accept my “ruling”. If she wants to rage, go ahead…in her room of course, but go for it – let it all out!
It like a huge damn has been broken for us energetically – we could both feel it immediately. I really feel that the holding in or re-living of negative emotion is the root of all unhappiness, conflict and stress in our world for both children and adults. If we can provide our children a safe place to rage, to scream, to cry without judging them or they’re behavior as “bad” we will be allowing them to go through life unburdened by these feelings. They will be able to feel a feeling, let it go and move on with their day – their life. I believe that people, and you can see this especially in children, are predisposed for happiness – they will almost always go back to a happy natural state after a conflict. Its amazing! It is us, the adults, that can’t let stuff go – we carry unresolved emotion with us everywhere we go and it burdens our life and how we relate to others.
So for today – think about what unresolved emotional issues you are carrying with you? What would it be like to be free of these? What would it be like to parent your children from a place of allowing emotion to flow? What would be different in your home?
I recently met a wonderful woman, Kalyn Bastion. She and her husband Kristopher have a amazing process they call the Golden Flow System. It is a process that really allows you to work through negative emotion and thoughts disempowering them from “who you really are” or rather – removing the power these emotions and thoughts have over you and uncovering a flow – your flow, the essence of who you are – this place where happiness and ease resides. I recommend this process highly in dealing with emotion or thoughts that hold you back – it has made a huge impact in my life.